How to thrive as a single missionary

Life as a single African woman in the mission field is not for the faint-hearted. If I had been told the realities, perhaps I would have hesitated to obey the call. The list is endless – being called to take up tasks during rest days or late hours because you’re single, not considered in conversations because you don’t bear the title of “Mrs.”, asked to involuntarily babysit because it’s assumed you have no tasks at home, advised to consider getting a baby since you will need help in old age, etc. As I think about my mission field experience, here are the things that I have found to be helpful.

Clarity of calling

Over the years, my missionary call has become clearer, helping me to serve with contentment regardless of the challenges. One of my affirming verses has been Jeremiah 1:5; “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born, I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations.”

Peace with my singleness

I would like to have been married “yesterday” but God makes everything beautiful in his time (Eccl. 3:11). Resting in God’s timeline keeps me at peace even when careless words are thrown at me or I’m questioned about being unmarried. I now answer that in God’s timing it will happen.

Seeking help

I have learned to seek professional help especially when issues disturb my mental and emotional health. This didn’t happen automatically, but as age caught up and my circle of available friends changed, I realized that if I’m to thrive, professional help is necessary. I’m grateful for an understanding therapist who has also been a missionary before and now points me to Christ always.

Sharing community

My personality and living outside my home country for a long time tend to make me do things independently. But in obedience to God’s command in Hebrews 10:24-25, I recognize the importance of balancing my independence with the need for fellowship. Apart from Sunday services, I plug into communities of prayer and the Word regularly which serve as a strategic support system.

Routines and habits

Previously, I had a group of friends I did activities with but we split and each went her way. It was really difficult for me to do alone what we did together. But I said to myself: “I have to learn to live.” I once paid for a day’s trip to a National Park and went for a buffet meal although I struggled to get out of the house initially. I try not to postpone anything I would like to do even if I have to do it alone. Sunday afternoons tend to be loneliest for singles. To counter that, I plan ahead what to do – binge read, watch movies or visit people. Although I’m stationed in one area, I make the effort to travel outside the city just to experience some freshness. I love being caged in a public bus for hours to process the unprocessed and to experience compulsory rest.

Assertiveness

In the past, I struggled to say “no” but now, I’ve learned to say, “I’m sorry I can’t make it” without appearing rude. One of my pastors taught me a statement I jokingly use; “Work will not be eaten by rats. You will still find it tomorrow.” In my former organization, I asked to be included as a Bible expositor during a conference.  I’m grateful I took up the challenge as it paved the way for more ladies to take up similar responsibilities.

A plea

As the number of single women missionaries increases, let us serve as a safe haven where single people feel comfortable to run to anytime without being judged or given unsolicited advice. Let us support with prayer, counsel, space and comfort, as in this world, there will be many tribulations but we must be of good cheer.