We are raising our disabled son on the mission field
My husband and I were both raised as missionary kids in Brazil. In that community I remember at least two children that were significantly impacted with mental or developmental disabilities. Their parents chose to stay on the field and raise their children there. We are confident that this influenced us, showing us the possibilities and giving us the courage to not be afraid of staying on the field after our disabled son was born.
Joseph was born during our first year on the field in Mozambique. Though we were unaware of any problems at the time of his birth, God graciously allowed us to know at six weeks of age that he was missing part of his brain. The doctor could not predict how this would influence him, his health, or his development. We were thankful to be located only a two-days drive away from South Africa which offered us high quality medical help along with very good physical and occupational therapy support. As we monitored our son’s development, it soon became evident that he was significantly delayed.
Joseph was 3 when we moved into a village setting. Soon after, when I began homeschooling Joseph’s older brother, I asked a young lady in the community who seemed very patient if she would be willing to work with our son half days during the week. She agreed. I taught her the therapies we learned in South Africa, and she patiently worked with Joseph giving him the repetitions that were necessary. She was much more patient than I. 22 years later she still works with him each weekday morning allowing me to be involved in other activities.
When Joseph reached school age, we took a one-year home assignment in the US to put him in school and give him access to what the US could offer in terms of educational assistance and therapy. After the one year, there was no notable difference in the rate of his development. This gave us affirmation that we were not compromising the well-being of our son by living in Mozambique.
In terms of Joseph being part of our family here in Mozambique, we believe and trust that God has used him and our interaction with him as a testimony in the community. Although he is unable to walk on his own, we have not hidden him away. And though Joseph has very few words, he loves to sing. So, as we walk together in the neighborhood each day, I sing with him, and we seek to interact with others. Though he has sad and happy days, he generally loves being around people. It is good to see neighborhood children lovingly interact with him. We are blessed by how women from church also interact with him. They greet him, sing with him, and hold his hand. They take notice of him.
I remember when a friend of mine who is a special needs teacher came to visit us for several weeks here in the village. Though she grew up in Africa and has had many years of experience in various African countries, she could not believe how well-accepted Joseph was in the community. She was used to people being wary of others with mental disabilities because they were considered to be cursed. She was used to parents being embarrassed and hiding their disabled children away. She sought to understand the difference in our community. Some different theories were tossed around: Mozambique was colonized by the Portuguese who had a very strong Catholic influence. Possibly that was the reason people were more compassionate towards the disabled. Maybe our treatment of our son allowed other people to be courageous and accept him and others as well. Maybe our community is exceptionally gracious. I do not know.
This is not to say that we have not had some difficult times. The village has grown exponentially since we first arrived so there are many who do not know Joseph. It is uncomfortable to be stared at by strangers or to have young children run away from him screaming because they are afraid of his noises. Due to local belief systems, many likely have unspoken thoughts or questions about our son. I try not to entertain ideas of what others may be thinking. We trust that as we value Joseph as a child treasured by God, that witness will challenge the lies of the devil. A Mozambican friend confided in me that it was a blessing that we were not bound by the local culture in which we would carry the burden that Joseph was disabled due to witchcraft or vengeance from ancestors. Amen! We are set free from the lies of the devil, and our testimony is that others can be as well.
I can quickly recall three times that I faced a significant challenge in a public place that brought me to tears. Sometimes it was due to others’ perception of my son; sometimes it was because I felt alone and powerless.
At the end of our first term in the city, we had a meeting with the pastors of the church with which we had been assigned to work. As we and they reviewed our time working together, one of the pastors expressed how everything had been going well until Joseph was born and that he was a problem. To hear a pastor identify my son as the problem in the work of the church was beyond conceivable to me. Our young Joseph was not the problem; he was our son, and he was given to us by God.
Another time many years later, I was walking with Joseph in the village. He had shown some resistance to walking that day, and because he is nonverbal, I didn’t know if he was feeling pain or if he just didn’t want to exercise. Since we were already a distance from the house, I encouraged him to continue walking our circular route through the community. About 200 meters from our home Joseph decided that he would walk no further. He crumpled to the ground and decisively refused to get up. Since he was no longer a small child, I could not physically make him get up, and because of his developmental level, it was not possible to reason with him. All this happened in the market area where there was plenty of foot traffic as well as bicycles and motorcycles. I had to get him out of the path. I looked around, but there was nobody who was familiar, and everyone seemed most willing to either ignore or stare. I tried to call my husband, but he did not answer his phone. With the help of a stranger who did notice my struggle, I finally was able to get Joseph to the side of the path into safety. And after a while, a friend came along and sat with me until Joseph was ready to continue home.
The third time that was particularly difficult and public was on a Sunday when Joseph and I were accompanying some new missionaries to a church. My husband was not with us as he was visiting another church with another missionary family. The pastor knew our family, but during the prayer at the end of the service, he came over to Joseph, put his hands on my son’s head and began shaking him and praying that the demon would come out. I tried to quietly tell the pastor that Joseph did not have a demon, but the pastor wouldn’t stop. I held back my emotions until I got home and recounted to my husband what had happened. I sobbed. Maybe I was offended that someone thought we would have purposefully exposed our son to those who work with evil spirits. Or maybe it was ignorance on the pastor’s part thinking that our son was handicapped because he was cursed with an evil spirit by another.
Although Joseph is unable to reason or understand the salvation story, we trust that God protects our son from the evil one here on earth by the sanctifying influence of our home. Joseph has been loved and nurtured according to the truth of God’s Word in our home. We have always surrounded him with the truth of God through our words, the music that we play and that he loves to listen to and taking him to church. It’s all about input. Though he does say very little, he at times will declare: “I believe in Jesus” and “1,2,3 Jesus loves me. 1,2 Jesus loves you.” We were once in a middle eastern country’s airport when some in our family were pulled aside by security. My husband and oldest son were questioned at length about their travels and activities in various African countries. Not accustomed to being in an Islamic country and wondering the purpose of the interrogation, my husband was rattled by the whole affair and was eager to be released and leave that country on our scheduled flight. He didn’t want to debrief with me about the whole affair until we were in the air. As we found our seats in the plane, Joseph sat down and raised his arms and said clearly, “I believe in Jesus.” His “testimony” was humbling and heart-warming for my husband.
Our other children are now grown and married. Joseph at age 25 is, of course, still with us. Is my life and are my activities altered because of his needs? Yes. I cannot always do as I wish in the community because he is not always able to participate or I cannot find someone (a special someone who knows how to care for him) to stay with him. Travel can be challenging. He still cannot chew which means I always have to prepare his food separately, and he is unable to eat whatever may be available when we are invited somewhere. He still wears nappies which means we must buy them from far off, and we’re very conscious of the logistics involved if we need to change him while not at home. These are some of the realities of our life, and it is OK. God has given us grace upon grace. I live much more dependent on my Lord than I would otherwise because I need His help each day in obvious ways. It is a privilege to serve our Lord, and as we serve and love our Joseph, we are serving Him as well. Our Lord knows the work He wants to do through us, whether in Mozambique or in the US on home assignment, and because of His sovereignty, we know His work is more complete as we care for our son in the various contexts. I’m glad I have a constant reminder of my need for my Lord. I think I would otherwise have tried too many things in my own strength.
– Karis Koehn
photo: 9 year old Joseph Koehn with neighbour child
