Break the silence loudly

The affair had continued for months before it finally reached the ears of Sister Agnes* through a whistle blower. The church had guidelines for dealing with such matters. She told the whistle-blower she was going to verify the facts from the persons involved. She called each party into a separate meeting and discovered the affair involved three married members on the mission team – a man and two women – entangled in a web of inappropriate unethical relationships. Beyond the sexual misconduct, psychological and financial manipulation was in the mix too. Because the issue had lingered, it was affecting their already unhappy marital relationships. Ministry relationships between colleagues in the missions department were strained, especially among those who were aware of the immorality. Other members of the church were affected as the web grew. Additionally, one of the party was threatening to get the police involved in the matter, contrary to church membership policy which delays external official involvement until all internal dispute resolution channels are exhausted, as recommended in the scriptures (1 Cor. 6:1-7).

Misconduct and missionaries
Sister Agnes serves as the assistant to the head of missions for a church denomination in Kenya. Both she and the head of missions in that same denomination, Brother Peter*, have served in the mission field and agree that those in ministry, and cross-cultural missionaries in particular, can be susceptible to temptation. Why? For one, missionaries are often serving in lonely places with a lack of emotional support. Brother Peter shares that it took him two years to get his first convert, who then backslid the next year. He felt a failure as the church back home waited for results that he did not have. He also felt the local people considered him “perfect,” which caused more pressure. It was clear that Satan was also attacking that which he hates most – the message of Jesus going out through his servants.

No one is “anointed” to break God’s commands.

Brother Peter found himself caught up in the habit of pornography, and after a period of time he confessed to his wife, who found it difficult to deal with this sin against her. It took some years as she did not have anyone locally to help her process. “You can imagine the feeling of betrayal for the spouse when the man or woman moves out in a land very far from home,” he says.

He asks, “How open are we as an organization to help our wounded soldiers? It is very possible to have a holier-than-thou attitude and feel that this person has failed us. We should be willing to help.” Sister Agnes confirms, “When missionaries fall into sexual temptation, we don’t abandon them, but we walk with them so they can be restored.”

Restoring the fallen
After Sister Agnes confirmed the details of the misconduct of the three people, her next step was to inform the elders of the church. “We commissioned an inquiry team comprising three elders who were trained in counselling psychology. Their role was to walk with the three people towards reconciliation and healing. Secondly, we asked all of them to step down from their ministry roles in the church. (Two of them were leaders in the missions department.)

Addressing the matter to its conclusion took several months. The circle of enquiry grew bigger because we had to include their families and help them to heal. Everything had to be well-documented. Eventually we had a breakthrough with the two women as we uncovered the root of their problems and peculiar needs. One of them was reconciled to her previously separated husband and they made plans to solemnize their marriage. The second woman and her husband were unable to make amends, but she acknowledged her wrongs, asked forgiveness, and was reconciled to the Lord. Our team prayerfully did our best to address issues between the man and his wife, but we were not as successful. We discovered that the man had a history of other illicit relationships beyond the mission field and in the marketplace, making it harder for the spouse to trust him any longer.”

When the inquiry team brought its work to a conclusion, the repentant persons were presented to the church’s departmental heads as representatives of the Body of Christ, where they asked forgiveness. The church prayed for them and received them back into the fold in accordance with the scriptures in Galations 6:1-2.

Repercussions
Restoration from sexual sin is possible, but its effects can be far-reaching. Sister Agnes explains: “The work of missions is a spiritual activity that the enemy opposes. Sexual misconduct exposes people to attacks in their personal lives and in the ministry and grieves the Holy Spirit is grieved. Sexual sin is like gangrene. If it is not addressed decisively, it spreads to the whole team because people will think that it is approved.” Brother Peter adds, “The mission work suffers because this missionary is no longer able to do his work. Sometimes the sending agency has to either evacuate him or make a statement that they are no longer in fellowship with the person and administer discipline. The community may feel that the enemy has won, and they will mock Christianity. Others feel very bad that you have defiled their daughter or their son. Partnerships are affected, funding is affected, discipleship is affected, and everything is affected by sexual misconduct.”
Sister Agnes adds, “Churches and mission agencies should not be silent on sexual matters. I think this is the weakest link. We teach and train on how we’re going to do evangelism, crusades, discipleship, etc. but we hardly dedicate time to talk about our conduct. Our Lord Jesus Christ and the Apostle Paul said many things about sexual purity (Matt. 5; Jn. 8; 1 Cor. 7; 1 Thess. 4; 2 Tim. 2) – and we should follow their example in speaking about it too.”

Guardrails
Sister Agnes comments, “Feeling attracted to people of the opposite sex is normal. Even as a minister, I have experienced that, but certain attractions that contradict biblical values are ungodly. To guard against temptations and such attractions, prayer is key (Matt. 26:41). It draws us close to God and his presence becomes a shield around us. Cultivate self-awareness and be open before God about your feelings. Set boundaries for yourself and your relationships – this has been helpful throughout my four decades in Christian ministry. When you find your eyes, a certain touch, or a hug betraying you, avoid it.” Brother Peter recommends a strong foundation in discipleship before missionaries are sent to the field, and a realization that areas where you are weak before you go to the field will continue to be weak areas on the field. A change in title or location does not change the person. Frequent visits from member care people who will ask probing questions can discover problems before they become fatal errors.

Silence and manipulation
Sometimes, people in leadership positions engage in inappropriate sexual behaviours. Victims may be afraid to expose them because of misunderstood Bible verses such as “touch not God’s anointed.” Cover-ups by leaders may manipulate victims into silence. To these, Sister Agnes responds: “Are we still talking about God’s anointed? No one is “anointed” to break God’s commands. To anyone in this situation, recognize that such leaders are not the final authority, God is. Run for your life even if it means leaving your jacket behind as Joseph did. This may mean losing your job, position, etc. The more you keep quiet, the perpetrators will approach other victims and molest them for as long as they remain in authority. Sometimes, wives keep silent about their husbands’ misconduct because they wonder how they will survive if the marriage fails. But God is able to help them. Silence is the enemy’s controlling factor. We need to break that silence loudly and clearly.”

In this organization, all missionaries and church workers are required to sign a code of ethics which commits them to submit to church authority throughout the investigation process. If any party is still unsatisfied, Sister Agnes says, “We don’t stop them from seeking legal intervention. However, when the church handles these situations decisively and thoroughly, the results are more enriching. Those involved experience restoration, the team becomes stronger and serves with more confidence because they can trust the leadership. They will also guard themselves against future temptations because they become aware of their boundaries.”

Way forward
To the African Church, Sister Agnes says, “Our annual reporting systems should not focus only on the number of souls being saved and how finances are received and used. They should include guidelines on missionary conduct and processes for reporting and addressing sexually inappropriate behaviours, along with ministering to those who are struggling. These processes should be upgraded with the changing times, which are demanding more tolerance for sin. Continually talk about it in your meetings and trainings so people will be clear about what is expected of them in this area.”

Brother Peter affirms that restoration from sexual sin has a silver lining – it is a great opportunity to demonstrate forgiveness and Christ’s love. Both Christian and non-Christian observers may say “This person did this and went through discipline and then he was restored.” He shares the example of two single ministry leaders in Asia who fell into sin and one became pregnant. Rather than walking away from them, the mission counselled them, assisted them to get married, and discipled them. Today, this couple is leading the organization in that country. God is not silent on sexual impropriety, and neither should we be silent. Let us rather confront the sin and where possible, restore God’s children. Brother Peter says, “This shows that sin does not have the last word: Jesus has the last word.”