The psychology of sexual abuse

Sexual misconduct of all forms continue to be an endemic destructive behavior in our human race. From childhood molestations, incest to adult cases of sexual abuse, studies show that perpetrators of sexual misconduct (actors) are often known by the victims and include friends, family members and leaders. Another major group are religious leaders. In the west, in particular, documentation and research on clergy sexual misconduct continue, including the understanding the varied effects on victims, and the extended body of religious membership. The US national sexual violence Resource center describes sexual misconduct as an umbrella term of any unwelcome behavior of sexual intent through subtle acts, coercion, intimidation, or force¹. Sexual misconduct includes sexual harassment, abuse, rape, violence¹.

Sexual misconduct within religious leadership is not unique to Christianity. It has existed across all faith traditions for centuries², often normalized, minimized or shrouded in secrecy.^2-5 While reports of misconduct in the traditional church settings are well documented², this cannot and should be ignored in missionary settings. In this article, religious leaders encompasses all persons with direct and indirect responsibility to lead, serve and care for other people in a ministry or on the mission field, regardless of the period of tenure, location, training or ranking. The term perpetrator/abuser would be used in reference to persons who violate or commit sexual misconducts on others (known as victims or survivors). Most perpetrators are male – regardless of age and marital status – though women can also be perpetrators. Likewise, victims and survivors are primarily females with many male victims/survivors too^1,2. The pervasive culture of silence surrounding these traumatic experiences suggest that the recorded rates of perpetration and victimization may never reflect the true scale of the issue.

The Holy Spirit and Perpetrators  

Too many people mistakenly believe that the Holy Spirit is confined to the pulpit and crusade grounds. Furthermore, there is a belief in prioritizing “anointing” over moral character. However, Jesus taught us to look for fruit (Matt. 7: 16-20), not just power. Even if a spiritual leader’s gifts are irrevocable (Rom. 11:29), their character still matters to God. The biblical narrative of Samson, the Judge and Nazarite, shows  that anointing does not negate the consequences of poor choices, lack of integrity or unchecked appetites.

Who is affected by Sexual Misconduct /Abuse?

              Sexual misconduct and abuse creates a legacy of collateral damage. The trauma radiates outward from the survivor to encompass their family, friends, congregations and broader communities, creating secondary trauma. It also impacts perpetrators’ own family and network. While there may or may not be physical scars, sexual abuse destroys the soul. Emotional and psychological wounds are deep and may be lifelong. While the perpetrator may forget the details and sometimes move on to other targets, many victims carry the trauma, shame and weight of being violated. There are many who never share the trauma out of fear of retribution or blame, shame, often disbelief or numbness^1-3. Many develop mental health related challenges including PTSD, depressive and anxiety symptoms, anger, rebellion. Sexual misconduct and abuse negatively impacts relationships including intimate relationships, marriages and parenting. Beyond the personal toll, it alters entire life trajectories – reshaping careers, eroding a sense of purpose, personal agency and dictating life choices for years to come.

When leaders (shepherds) violate congregants (God’s sheep), the injury is also profoundly spiritual. By mirroring God’s authority while practicing cruelty, these leaders fundamentally compromise the victim’s/survivor’s ability to trust God, to understand God’s love, protection and character. Yet, God’s beautiful design of leadership was to model the Trinity, and how they work in unity and in different roles to honor and protect all persons. Many victims in the church turn away from God. Sometimes the shift can be sudden and many wonder what happened to them and their walk with God. Because many withdraw and isolate themselves, we may miss or ignore the signs.

Factors That Provide Fertile Grounds for Sexual Misconduct and Abuse

Many religious leaders who are abusers exhibit certain personal characteristics, target certain types of people and follow a plan of action. Below are some pointers:

Characteristics of the Abuser: Perpetrators of sexual abuse within the religious context often exhibit a complex set of psychological and behavioral patterns centered on power and need for validation^3-6. They typically have a high need to be in control and receive applause /affirmation, and may seek positions for attention. While they may struggle with underlying loneliness, insecurity, hidden addictions or may have a personal history of being abused, they mask their vulnerabilities and addictions with charisma. They also exhibit great charm and social skills. They cultivate a pious righteous persona, an exaggerated display of anointing or holy life which can be inspiring to many in the community. However this helps with grooming their target.  To facilitate the abuse, they strategically seek ministry roles that provide unchecked access to vulnerable populations such as children/youth ministries, music ministries, mentoring girls or boys. These settings/groups provide easy access to isolate and groom their targets under the guise of spiritual guidance.

Limited Accountability: Perpetrators typically have few accountability partners or mentors, if any. Even when they claim to have mentors or accountability partners, these relationships are superficial with rare true engagement and vulnerability. They are also less likely to talk about their marital struggles with the goal of seeking genuine help. Rather, it could be used to garner sympathy from unsuspecting targets of all ages. Consequently, the presence of an accountability partner does not, in itself, guarantee that a leader is being rigorously overseen or being meaningfully challenged. The higher the rank, the greater the isolation. In a shrinking pool of peers, leaders are frequently surrounded by people who admire them than equals who can provide honest feedback and accountability. Some peers ignore problematic behavior, deflecting accountability with the claim that “only God can judge” a leader.

Unbiblical Honor & Reverence: The Christian value of respecting and honoring our leaders – “Fathers” and “Mothers” of the faith – also inadvertently create room for various forms of sexual misconduct.  For example, on the mission field, women in particular are expected to cook and provide water for bathing for missionaries (usually for the males). It is common for women to stay late at church to clean or wait on leadership, even at the expense of their families. Furthermore, there can be unplanned calls back to the church to address issues at odd hours. These behaviors can easily become extreme, unnecessary and inappropriate.  Falsely quoted scriptural phrases such as “Touch not My anointed” (1 Chron. 16:20-22; Psalm 105:15) are used to justify and pressure people to respect leaders even when they act in ways that violate people’s personal space and boundaries. Many of us have heard or read reports of religious leaders stepping on people or having sexual intercourse with people to impart anointing, and fast track breakthroughs. Many people including church leaders remain silent, leaving congregants to navigate these confusing behaviors alone. Because addressing such violations can be seen as an affront to the “Man of God,” many people either submit or eventually leave the church. Usually, only those with a strong understanding of scripture have the boldness to speak out or leave.

Room to Groom: Persons who engage in sexual misconduct know what they are doing and is rarely an accident or sudden weakness. They follow a calculated gradual strategy called grooming. This plan aims to systematically desensitize their target for eventual sexual gain⁶. It is a strategic and steady process of gaining ones trust incrementally relying on the slow erosion of boundaries. Perpetrators often target the vulnerable: those grieving, experiencing personal crises, desperate, scared, non-assertive or who lack strong support systems.^3-6 They also target eager and new believers seeking discipleship and those in spiritual desperation. They pose as surrogate parents or benefactors, “the answer to prayer”, offering money, emotional support or mentorship to build dependency. They use a person’s genuine need for belonging or healing as a hook for exploitation. Perpetrators may also groom the target /victim’s family or community members, winning their trust to gain unfettered access to children and adults alike. Once established as a safe authority figure, the abuser escalates from subtle touches, flattering comments to invasive acts, often using spiritual jargons and manipulations⁶ such as “God approves; God gave us feelings; God is merciful and will forgive when we repent.” By this stage, victims are trapped in conflicting emotions. They are often paralyzed by a toxic mix of shame, self-blame, feeling used, afraid to speak up. This is the stage where victims are coaxed or threatened into silence, the major tool used to perpetuate the power imbalance and abuser’s control⁶. For many, including children, they fear that their parents or trusted others – blinded by the leader’s façade – will believe the “Man/Woman of God” over them.

Sexual Misconduct Policies

Sexual misconduct policies are not common in many religious institutions however, there is a mounting push for these particularly in the global North. Missionary agencies also need to include sexual misconduct policies into their governance and training. Policies provide transparent and clear guidelines that allow such behaviors to be addressed in an objective manner, keeping everyone accountable. Lack of clear guidelines, when sexual misconduct is exposed, allows leadership to turn a blind eye to the situation or attempt to address it by transferring perpetrators and their families to new unsuspecting communities. Organizations must ensure easy reporting systems, fair and timely decision making processes.

There are established sexual misconduct policies that can be adapted from institutions that have them. However, policies without effective implementation defeats the goal. One of the biggest challenges of creating and implementing policies is often leadership complicity, where leaders seek to protect perpetrators due to their position/rank. For anyone in that dilemma, ask yourself the following questions: Will you knowingly allow your son or daughter to be violated? What about God’s sons and daughters under your responsibility? Do they matter as much as your own children or people you protect?

Handling Sexual Misconduct on the Mission Field

Today, there is a growing recognition that churches and missionary agencies must proactively address sexual misconduct within their institutions². Missionary training schools and organizations, both sending and receiving, must prioritize this issue by overhauling training curricula and evaluation processes. It is recommended that topics such as the following be covered in-depth or re-visited and include:

• Definition of sexual misconduct and the various types
• International, national, and institutional laws, as well as consequences regarding sexual misconduct & abuse
• Effects of sexual misconduct & abuse on mission work
• Sexual misconduct and abuse policies for the mission field
• Anointing versus character/fruit
• Intervention and rehabilitation processes for perpetrators and victims

The Holy Spirit indwells believers to guide us into all truth (John 14: 16-21). This does not erase our humanity. Regardless of rank, anointing or holiness, clergy and leaders remain susceptible to the same temptations and appetites as those they lead. Any leader is capable of sexual misconduct. The church must not conflate anointing with divine endorsement of abuse. Recognizing these inherent human frailty is essential to protecting congregations from those who would prioritize their own appetites over their sacred duty. Scripture clearly demonstrates God’s disapproval of leaders whose lifestyles contradict his statutes.

Missionaries continue to be a powerful force in sending the whole gospel to the whole world. Yet, sexual misconduct of all kinds act as dangerous “tares” sown in the mission field. While these seeds may take time to grow and be exposed, many souls are destroyed in the waiting – victims of our unchecked appetites and hidden addictions. Whether we are partners, funders, trainers, or mission agencies, we bear a solemn collective responsibility to safeguard both the communities we serve and staff. We can no longer ignore this cancer. Our inaction continues to undermine the very Gospel we claim to uphold.

References

1. National Sexual violence Resource Center (n.d.). https://www.nsvrc.org/lets-talk-campus/definitions-of-terms/
2. Rashid, F., & Barron, I. (2019). Why the focus of clerical child sexual abuse has largely remained on the Catholic church amongst other non-Catholic Christian denominations and religions. Journal of Child Sexual Abuse, 28(5), 564-585.
3. Kleiven, T. (2018). Sexual Misconduct in the Church: What Is it about?. Pastoral Psychology, 67(3), 277-289.
4. Real, J. T. (2024). Study of Clergy Sexual Misconduct in Ministry and What Contributing Factors Lead to Sexually Acting Out Behavior by the Clergy Member. Downloaded from www.digitalcommons.liberty.edu
5. Espina, M. L. A. C. (2020). Clergy sexual misconduct: through the lens of the lost shepherds. Asian Horizons, 14(2), 493-506.
6. Lee, A. (2025). Undocumented Wounds: An Overview of Sexual Misconduct. Protestant Clergy Sexual Misconduct and Intercultural Pastoral Care: Invisible Mask, 37-64.